Steps
1. Start with a confident, not arrogant, mindset. Arrogance comes from a place of insecurity. Arrogant people speak loudly
about their accomplishments or their possessions to get attention from other
people. Most likely, they're covering up their own feelings of being not good
enough.
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When you're confident
in your mind, you're secure because you know yourself and you know what you
have to offer. You're never motivated to brag just to feel superior to other
people. You promote yourself because you know that what you have to offer can
truly benefit other people. For example, "My proven experience as a leader
makes me the perfect person for this team." You're bragging about your
skills but at the same time you know in your mind that your skills can benefit
others.
·
Ask yourself why
you're about to brag. If you're bragging about yourself just to impress other
people or to make yourself feel better than them, then you're going to come
across as arrogant. Confident people know that although not everyone will like
them, they should still pursue what matters to them without being fazed by
unwarranted criticism. You know when you're bragging about something that
you've done because you're trying to fish for compliments. When that happens,
keep quiet and focus on developing inner confidence instead of verbally
boasting.
2.
Speak
purposefully about yourself. We all like to tell others about what
we've done, experienced and achieved in life. If people realize they've learned
something from you rather than thinking you're merely bragging about yourself,
then they'll see the leader in you and appreciate your qualities for what they
really are.
·
Focus on pointing out
your achievements with a sense of purpose. Convey ideas and guidance for others
who want to do something similar. Then, you'll have an opportunity to brag a
little while teaching others the principles behind your successful approaches.
For example, "I hear you want to do a fundraiser for an overseas trip. I
raised $30,000 last year for my organization by doing ________. If you want to
chat sometime, I'm here to help."
·
Talk about your
strengths. If you're looking for a leadership role in your workplace, community
or school, you have to prove that you're a strong leader who has what it takes
to do the job. Just remember to point out how those strengths will benefit
other people instead of just bragging about yourself to stroke your own ego.
For instance, "One of my strengths is my ability to motivate people. If
you choose me for this job, you'll get someone who can rally other people
behind what we want to accomplish."
3.
Admit your
insecurities. Many people brag to cover up feelings of
inadequacy. Even the most confident people in the world sometimes wonder if
they're going to be able to do what they need to do.
·
Showing vulnerability
in public is actually a sign of strength, especially when you share your
feelings so that you can help others who are feeling the same doubts that
you've felt. In this way, you're an example of how it is possible to be both an
achiever and someone who has to overcome insecurities, inspiring others to
believe they can do the same.
·
Acknowledge feelings
of anxiety or nervousness. For example, you can say, "There were times
when I really doubted whether we could win the election, and I used to not be
able to sleep at night. You may be feeling the same way now, but just keep
doing what you think is right and you'll be okay." Everyone takes comfort
in the idea that the people that they look up to feel insecure sometimes, too.
·
Laugh at yourself when
you make a mistake. Don't cover up for mistakes by making excuses. People will
appreciate your ability to assess yourself honestly and with good humor.
4.
Keep the "I" out of it. When you're talking about yourself,
don't use the word "I" in every sentence. You'll come across as arrogant, self-centered and self-absorbed. You can't
accomplish everything on your own, and you shouldn't take full credit for every
good thing that's happened to you. A person who can unite other people together
behind a cause and acknowledge their work is much more valuable than someone
who takes all of the credit for everything.
·
Use "we"
instead of "I." For example, you can say, "We won the
championship because we came together as a team, and I was pleased to make
contributions were a part of that ream victory."
·
Give other people
kudos. Whatever you've done, you've done thanks to the help and support of
others. For instance, "I started my own successful business, but I never
could have done it without the friends and family who backed me every step of
the way."
5.
Avoid the sound
of your own voice. Arrogant, self-centered people tend to
go on and on about themselves and their exploits while their listeners are
looking for an escape route.
·
Learn to spot body
language cues like glazed eyes, glancing at the watch or picking at fluff on
clothing. These cues can show you that you're getting tiresome and you need to
stop bragging. Stop talking about yourself and ask the other person about himself
or herself.
·
Aim to listen and to
give summary feedback that reveals that you understand what the listener has
said. For example, "What I hear you saying is..." Doing so is both a
compliment to them and an excellent reflection on your character. Listening will
always impress people, especially when you make it clear you understand.
·
Be concise. If you can
get your idea across in a 1 or 2 sentence statement, what you say is more
likely to stick in people's minds. If you ramble on about yourself for 15
minutes, then people are going to run away from you the next time they see you
coming down the hall because they'll think you're arrogant and annoying.
6. Avoid criticizing other people to
feel good about yourself. Arrogant people try to bring everyone
else down, but generous people build people up.
·
Don't criticize others
in the same breath as touting your achievements or play
"one-upmanship" games. Do compliment them on anything you actually
like or appreciate about them. "You're a great listener. I love hanging around
with you." Or "I like the way you always speak up for yourself. It
makes you bold and interesting."
·
Frame your opinions of
others in a positive or neutral way when you talk about them. If you can't say
something genuinely positive, then say something neutral. For example, instead
of saying, "Carmen is a terrible salesperson," say, "I've
noticed that Carmen seems to struggle to connect with people during a sales
transaction.
7.
Build your
self-confidence. Instead of bragging to other people in
the hopes that they'll give you an ego boost, find new ways to increase your
confidence in yourself.
·
Notice the frequency
at which people compliment you. If you receive a lot of compliments for your
work, for your qualities as a friend or family member, or for your creativity,
then you can absorb the compliments and feel good about what you do.
·
Do things for other
people. Helping others, telling a joke, doing a creative work or making
someone's day with a compliment will make you feel good about yourself without
the need to boast about your greatness.
·
Hang out with people
who like you and appreciate you exactly as you are. So many people focus
attention on pleasing unworthy people who only drag them down instead of
relying on people who accept them without conditions.
·
Make yourself proud.
Define your priorities and your values and live by them without expecting
compliments. When you're authentic, you will never have to brag in order to
feel good about your choices.
8. Let your actions do the talking for you. The way that you conduct yourself, if you're honorable,
will win you the respect of many people. You won't have to brag at all because
people will admire you just for how you live your life. If you want to fill a
room with awe when you walk in, you'll need to do something to deserve it.
