How to Brag Without Being Arrogant?

 Steps

1.       Start with a confident, not arrogant, mindset. Arrogance comes from a place of insecurity. Arrogant people speak loudly about their accomplishments or their possessions to get attention from other people. Most likely, they're covering up their own feelings of being not good enough.

·         When you're confident in your mind, you're secure because you know yourself and you know what you have to offer. You're never motivated to brag just to feel superior to other people. You promote yourself because you know that what you have to offer can truly benefit other people. For example, "My proven experience as a leader makes me the perfect person for this team." You're bragging about your skills but at the same time you know in your mind that your skills can benefit others.

·         Ask yourself why you're about to brag. If you're bragging about yourself just to impress other people or to make yourself feel better than them, then you're going to come across as arrogant. Confident people know that although not everyone will like them, they should still pursue what matters to them without being fazed by unwarranted criticism. You know when you're bragging about something that you've done because you're trying to fish for compliments. When that happens, keep quiet and focus on developing inner confidence instead of verbally boasting.

2.       Speak purposefully about yourself. We all like to tell others about what we've done, experienced and achieved in life. If people realize they've learned something from you rather than thinking you're merely bragging about yourself, then they'll see the leader in you and appreciate your qualities for what they really are.

·         Focus on pointing out your achievements with a sense of purpose. Convey ideas and guidance for others who want to do something similar. Then, you'll have an opportunity to brag a little while teaching others the principles behind your successful approaches. For example, "I hear you want to do a fundraiser for an overseas trip. I raised $30,000 last year for my organization by doing ________. If you want to chat sometime, I'm here to help."

·         Talk about your strengths. If you're looking for a leadership role in your workplace, community or school, you have to prove that you're a strong leader who has what it takes to do the job. Just remember to point out how those strengths will benefit other people instead of just bragging about yourself to stroke your own ego. For instance, "One of my strengths is my ability to motivate people. If you choose me for this job, you'll get someone who can rally other people behind what we want to accomplish."

3.       Admit your insecurities. Many people brag to cover up feelings of inadequacy. Even the most confident people in the world sometimes wonder if they're going to be able to do what they need to do.

·         Showing vulnerability in public is actually a sign of strength, especially when you share your feelings so that you can help others who are feeling the same doubts that you've felt. In this way, you're an example of how it is possible to be both an achiever and someone who has to overcome insecurities, inspiring others to believe they can do the same.

·         Acknowledge feelings of anxiety or nervousness. For example, you can say, "There were times when I really doubted whether we could win the election, and I used to not be able to sleep at night. You may be feeling the same way now, but just keep doing what you think is right and you'll be okay." Everyone takes comfort in the idea that the people that they look up to feel insecure sometimes, too.

·         Laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. Don't cover up for mistakes by making excuses. People will appreciate your ability to assess yourself honestly and with good humor.

4.       Keep the "I" out of it. When you're talking about yourself, don't use the word "I" in every sentence. You'll come across as arrogant, self-centered and self-absorbed. You can't accomplish everything on your own, and you shouldn't take full credit for every good thing that's happened to you. A person who can unite other people together behind a cause and acknowledge their work is much more valuable than someone who takes all of the credit for everything.

·         Use "we" instead of "I." For example, you can say, "We won the championship because we came together as a team, and I was pleased to make contributions were a part of that ream victory."

·         Give other people kudos. Whatever you've done, you've done thanks to the help and support of others. For instance, "I started my own successful business, but I never could have done it without the friends and family who backed me every step of the way."

5.       Avoid the sound of your own voice. Arrogant, self-centered people tend to go on and on about themselves and their exploits while their listeners are looking for an escape route.

·         Learn to spot body language cues like glazed eyes, glancing at the watch or picking at fluff on clothing. These cues can show you that you're getting tiresome and you need to stop bragging. Stop talking about yourself and ask the other person about himself or herself.

·         Aim to listen and to give summary feedback that reveals that you understand what the listener has said. For example, "What I hear you saying is..." Doing so is both a compliment to them and an excellent reflection on your character. Listening will always impress people, especially when you make it clear you understand.

·         Be concise. If you can get your idea across in a 1 or 2 sentence statement, what you say is more likely to stick in people's minds. If you ramble on about yourself for 15 minutes, then people are going to run away from you the next time they see you coming down the hall because they'll think you're arrogant and annoying.

6.  Avoid criticizing other people to feel good about yourself. Arrogant people try to bring everyone else down, but generous people build people up.

·         Don't criticize others in the same breath as touting your achievements or play "one-upmanship" games. Do compliment them on anything you actually like or appreciate about them. "You're a great listener. I love hanging around with you." Or "I like the way you always speak up for yourself. It makes you bold and interesting."

·            Frame your opinions of others in a positive or neutral way when you talk about them. If you can't say something genuinely positive, then say something neutral. For example, instead of saying, "Carmen is a terrible salesperson," say, "I've noticed that Carmen seems to struggle to connect with people during a sales transaction.

7.      Build your self-confidence. Instead of bragging to other people in the hopes that they'll give you an ego boost, find new ways to increase your confidence in yourself.

·         Notice the frequency at which people compliment you. If you receive a lot of compliments for your work, for your qualities as a friend or family member, or for your creativity, then you can absorb the compliments and feel good about what you do.

·         Do things for other people. Helping others, telling a joke, doing a creative work or making someone's day with a compliment will make you feel good about yourself without the need to boast about your greatness.

·         Hang out with people who like you and appreciate you exactly as you are. So many people focus attention on pleasing unworthy people who only drag them down instead of relying on people who accept them without conditions.

·         Make yourself proud. Define your priorities and your values and live by them without expecting compliments. When you're authentic, you will never have to brag in order to feel good about your choices.

8.  Let your actions do the talking for you. The way that you conduct yourself, if you're honorable, will win you the respect of many people. You won't have to brag at all because people will admire you just for how you live your life. If you want to fill a room with awe when you walk in, you'll need to do something to deserve it.